Ms. Mar’s Dead Duck

“When an animal can be cooked and served in one piece, that is what Ms. Mar will do. Ducks are cured in salt for four days, then smoked, then slowly roasted, then doused with flaming booze at the table.  The skin is dark, and the meat is pink and pull-apart tender; it reminded me [Pete Wells of the NYTimes] of a slow-cooked Easter ham.”


Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture? Here is a corpse set on fire no less and set high on a silver platter.

Here is a photo of a living duck.


Rather magnificent, don’t you agree? And you thought that this kind of duck was just a brown duck. Check out the colour on this duck’s wings! Fabulous! There is no such thing as just a brown duck. We are all brown ducks. Each of us has something colourful and unique to offer. This aquatic environment is where and how ducks are meant to live.

Below is Norman Norrell’s Subway Coat. Drab exterior. When the coat is opened outward a lush gold sequinned interior is presented. A little like those magnificent wings of our friend above. A welcome surprise!


Back to Ms. Mar, Chef and Owner of the Beatrice Inn in New York City.

Pete Wells goes on to suggest that “you could just get a burger. The patties are tall, firm and moist with fat in the style of the Spotted Pig, where Ms. Mar used to cook. The ones in the dining room are made from beef aged for a month and a half.”

Let’s Delve Further

Beef aged for a month and a half. So what he’s really saying is that the cow (let’s call it what it is) was murdered 45 days ago. Good thing it isn’t raw cow meat (beef tartare) or that stuff would kill you! Think about it. Do you want to eat a flesh patty made from a dead animal that was stored for 45 days, then ground up into those squiggles of muscle tissue extruded from a die? Really?

Your patty source would be the one on the right.


A little too Walking Dead for me.

Back to Pete Wells, restaurant critic for the NYTimes. He readily volunteers: “Ms. Mar cooks animals, of course, but she also cooks for animals. She cooks for the animals that we are. She knows we have powerful senses of smell, that we can be led by our appetites, that certain instincts kick in when we sit together taking another animal apart.”  Ms. Mar offers several animals that will appeal to our “taking another animal apart” baser instinct.

And even further. . .

What he means by “certain instincts” is what Freud described as the id. This is the heart of tar that is inside each one of us without exception. When Wells says “we sit together taking another animal apart” he might as well be Donald Trump encouraging his supporters to assault protestors. What could be more bonding than “taking another animal apart?” Didn’t William Golding write so eloquently about that in Lord of the Flies?


Can’t we just stop at breaking bread?

Check out these recipes at Minimalist Baker for burgers that won’t kill cows or you.


Here’s to your health and to the well-being of ducks and cows everywhere – may they always have peace – and may you always look dazzling in whatever you wear.

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